Goodbye, Grandpa

I always thought saying someone "passed away" was too soft. Too casual and apathetic, as if nothing really happened.

But after my grandfather passed -- two nights ago -- I couldn't bring myself to use the d-word. It was unreal. I didn't know how to accept it.

When I was young, my father would say, "When you meet grandpa, he's going to take one look at you and faint because you're so beautiful!" I would laugh and laugh. I didn't know I would never get the chance to meet him.

My grandparents lived in New York, and they were extremely religious. They were not happy with my father's decision to become nonreligious. They didn't approve of his Chinese wife.

But still, I loved them. And grandfather was always telling me to keep up the good work in school. (I would have to yell back at him over the phone because of his bad hearing.)

As a teenager I realized that I would probably never get to talk with him in person. The sea of religious differences would be difficult to cross.

Regret.

We make life short, make excuses for living, for taking risks, for visiting the people we love.

Goodbye, grandpa; hope to see you in my dreams!